Lori Petty, Malcolm McDowell, Naomi Watts, Ice-T, A tank, Some kangaroo costumes
Written by: Tedi Sarafian
Directed by: Rachel Talalay
T-Saint – “This is pathetic.”
WHAT IS IT? It’s a movie based on the British comic called Tank Girl, about a girl and.... erm, her tank!
GOOD IDEA/BAD IDEA: Basing a movie on a British comic is always a good idea as we have some talented people working on comics in the UK; and Lori Petty isn’t half bad playing the ballsy lead. Sadly constantly mixing comic-book images with live-action to create the idea THAT THIS WAS BASED ON A COMIC quickly became distracting.Oh yeah, and it’s just rubbish as well.
WHAT’S THE STORY?
It’s 2033 and a comet has destroyed most of the planet, meaning the world somehow managed to escape all those major disasters seen in movies like The Day After Tomorrow and 2012, yet it has still ended up buggered.If living in shitsville isn’t enough to contend with, local resident Rebecca (Petty) also has to deal with Malcolm McDowell stealing all the water in her area and generally being evil.This really gets on Rebecca’s nerves as quite frankly she feels her life is lacking any direction, and just longs to one day own a TANK.Sadly her TANK owning days have yet to begin and so for now she dresses like a member of 90s group 4 Non Blondes as a way of expressing herself creatively.
As it happens the ludicrously evil 2033 version of Malcolm McDowell is just as evil as the Malcolm McDowell who always played sinister villains during the 1990s and so doesn’t really care for the 4 Non Blondes.He figures Rebecca is probably rebelling against one thing or another, as people of her age tend to do, and so decides to knock it out of her by making her work at his evil factory.Rebecca isn’t particularly happy about this, and kind of feels there’s no point doing such rubbish work when she has dreams of being somewhere else, and owning a TANK.
Thankfully the stars must have aligned at the correct moment as all this time spent in the evil factory leads Rebecca to discover a TANK!Finally at peace, she manages to escape the regime of the evil factory, finds time to take part in a Cole Porter sing-a-long and befriends a group of kangaroo people, with one of them looking suspiciously like the rapper Ice-T.All of this makes Rebecca pretty busy, but she understands that although she is happy with her TANK life, she can’t shirk her responsibilities to humanity, so she goes and sees Malcolm McDowell who promptly dies of TANK envy, leaving the world free of his reign.
TANKS FOR THE MEMORIES: *Tank + Girl = Tank Girl.
*Before Rebecca dreamed of owning a tank, she longed for a bat.Sadly when she found the combination of a bat and a girl could have legal ramifications in the future for any movie deals, she decided to dream of something more practical.
*Some hard of hearing yet filthy minded members of the public mistook the name of the film for something else, and rushed to the cinemas clutching a box of Kleenex.Most of them were disappointed once they realised their mistake.