Tim Daly, Powers Boothe, Dana Delany, Lance Henriksen, George Dzundza, David Kaufman, Mike Farrell, Shelley Fabares, Tara Strong, Brainiac attacking again...and again...and again
Screenplay by: Duane Capizzi
Story by: Duane Capizzi and Christopher Simmons
Directed by: Curt Geda
Superman: “Brainiac.It’s time to log off”
WHAT IS IT? It’s a direct-to-DVD animated movie starring Superman, that isn’t connected to Superman: The Animated Series... even though it looks as if it should be!
GOOD IDEA/BAD IDEA: When it was announced that there was to be a Superman movie in 2006 featuring a number of cast members from Superman: The Animated Series (Daly, Delany, Dzundza & Kaufman), it seemed as if the gods were smiling on fans of the long deceased TV show.The original series stuck close to the Superman mythology (and in particular key storylines from the comics) which made it a faithful and engaging addition to the Superman legacy and so when it seemed as if there was a movie on the horizon, fans were clearly excited.Unfortunately fans quickly found themselves in for a shock because despite using four of the original voice artists and THE SAME CHARACTER DESIGNS FROM SUPERMAN: TAS, Superman: Brainiac Attacks was not connected in any way, shape or form to the series!!Instead Superman: Brainiac Attacks was more or less a cheap knock-off not part of the official continuity, that played upon the familiarities of the animation to entice fans of the series to pick up a film that was awful!Not only was it confusing seeing the same animation from the popular series attached to a story that contradicted the show, it was also badly written and consisted of a series of dull, drawn out fight sequences between Superman and the alien Brainiac! In fact, calling the film Superman: Brainiac Fights Again & Again And Bores The Audience would have been more appropriate and at least viewers would have been warned about the repetitive crap they were watching!Oh and Lex Luthor was a complete chump in the movie, which completely peed all over the brilliant performance that Clancy Brown brought to the role in the original series’ run.The film was an embarrassment to the (almost) 15 year’s worth of the DC Animated Universe continuity, even though it wasn’t part of it and should have been avoided at all costs.
So to sum up Superman: Brainiac Attacks...
...was very shit.
WHAT’S THE STORY?
Evil alien supercomputer Brainiac (Henriksen), takes over Lex Luthor’s technology and his first order of the day is to kill Superman (Daly).So Brainiac and Supes duke it out in a big ass bitch fight that consists of two super powered life forms, of (sort of) equal strength, knocking each other about a bit until it all seems a bit dull and Superman defeats him.Unfortunately for The Man of Steel, Lex Luthor (Boothe) decides that it will be a good idea to revive Brainiac, presumably because he likes watching fight sequences, and shortly afterwards a new and much more advanced/bulkier Brainiac is back on the scene looking for a smack-down.A fight kicks off again and after about three or four minutes the battle ends in a stalemate with Superman’s gal Lois Lane (Delany) caught in the crossfire and suffering from Kryptonite poisoning.
Feeling pretty shitty about getting Lois involved Superman looks for a way to cure Lois, but before he can get to work... Brainiac attacks... again!Not surprisingly this pisses off Superman, as by now he’s very bored, so he heads off to the Phantom Zone instead, where he gets attacked by a random alien!Understandably Superman is now angrier than the Hulk after he discovered he’d won the lottery but lost the ticket and things go from bad to worse when a bunch of phantoms trick him into thinking he’s cured Lois.What he doesn’t realise is that whilst he’s away Brainiac is once again attacking people, only this time it’s Lex and the city of Metropolis and so when he returns home he’s in for another shit time.Either way as Superman has balls of steel he breaks away from the Phantom Zone and returns to Metropolis to give Brainiac what for.
For the next 10 minutes... Superman and Brainiac go at it again.
In fact, they fight and fight, and fight and fight and fight... until Superman finally kicks Brainiacs ass.
With Metropolis finally free of Brainiac’s constant need to act like he’s a WWE wrestler, Superman considers asking Lois out on a date at the same time as the Undertaker, Dusty Rhodes and Stone Cold Steve Austin arrive in Metropolis.
FIGHT NIGHT: *Before taking up fighting super heroes as a pastime, Brainiac considered flower arranging.Unfortunately he was crap at it.
*Brainiac’s real name is Brian.The reason he’s called Brainiac is because his name was once misspelt on the Electoral Register leading numerous people to think he was called Brain.This later became Brainiac and now most people presume he’s called Brainiac because he’s smart.The truth is he’s not.He’s actually thick as pig shit.
*Following the success of Superman: Brainiac Attacks a sequel is in the works that will reportedly see Brainiac attempt to consume a record breaking amount of Ritz crackers.It will be called Superman: Brainiac Snacks.