THE SCIENCE OF SUPERHEROES: HOW TO BECOME A SUPERHERO - INTRODUCTION
By Alex Wiggan
Hi there fellow pursuers of science, welcome once again to the next exciting journey in the epic The Science Of Superheroes! In previous Science Of Superheroes studies (yeah, this is a study… of sorts) myself and work experience lad Ryan looked at the weapons that superheroes wield as well as the animals that inspired some of our greatest heroes, to do their heroic deeds; however this time around we’re taking a different approach!
Recently it has been brought to my attention that Ryan’s love life is slow. What I mean by slow is that it’s practically non-existent. If Ryan’s love life was a car it would have been burnt out and abandoned on the hard shoulder of the M1 a long time ago. With the exception of all of those ‘ladies of the night’ that Ryan got mixed up with during the original Science Of Superheroes study, he’s been rather unlucky in love and as you can only imagine the fact he hasn’t got a girlfriend has made him hornier than a rabbit on Viagra. So this study into science is all about helping him get the girl and will focus on transforming him from ordinary Ryan, into super Ryan! Now moralistically kids, I feel it’s important for me to point out that in an ideal world you should never have to change who you are, or what you can do in order to impress a girl or a guy. However we’re living in the real world here people; it’s tough out there and with a skin complexion like Ryan’s he needs as much help as he can get! So in How To Become A Superhero we’re going to look at how we could turn Ryan into a hero or super proportions. Yes I know it sounds more like science fiction than science fact, but trust me it is possible and if this doesn’t help him get the girl then he really is a lost cause. As this study will look at transforming an ordinary Joe into a superhero I need to make all our younger readers aware that Ryan and I are professionals and so they shouldn’t try any of this study out at home. Yes, we here at The Comics Code are very responsible and we’d much prefer to put Ryan’s life on the line than get sued by any of our more adventurous readers.
So moving along, in order to help Ryan win over the affections of a young lady (any young lady will do), he’s going to need to ‘man up’ and get in touch with his laddish side. If my understanding of what women want is correct (and I can’t see why it wouldn’t be) then I know that women want butch boys who have something to offer. Therefore The Science Of Superheroes is about to adopt a ‘Nuts magazine’ style approach for this study, to give Ryan the killer edge (as well as a much needed confidence boost) that he requires when engaging in the act of courtship. As we still have a very limited budget our study is sticking very close to Comics Code Manor and so we’ll be heading around Greater Manchester sending Ryan into some of the hottest nightspots on the lookout for love! So hold onto your hats dear readers and enjoy the wild ride, as The Science Of Superheroes explains How To Become A Superhero!