By Alex Wiggan (and Ryan the work experience lad) Welcome back to How To Become A Superhero! We're now on our 15th epic chapter and this week we're trying a new tactic as the previous 14 chapters have not helped Ryan get a girlfriend at all. So this time around we're going to try filling Ryan's head full of Nintendo knowledge, in the hope that he can attract a girl gamer! The hero at the centre of our focus this week is Kevin Keene, aka Captain N: The Game Master, who battled his way through Videoland with some of Nintendo's most famous faces.
We're heading to Manchester's Arndale Centre to hang around outside computer specialist shop, Game, as we hope the lucky lady will be there waiting for a guy like Ryan to come along. So let's get started!
THE CAPTAIN N PITCH:
How to become Captain N
Do you want to be an action hero who is an expert in button-bashing? Do you think you could work you way across level after level of intense terrain, competing against some of the toughest gamers this side of Hyrule?
Do you even know where Hyrule is?
Well by the sounds of it you need to take up the challenge to become the ultimate gamer... ...or rather the ultimate gaming expert! In order to do this you don't just need to be able to play the game, you need to be able to understand the very foundations that the games were built upon. To do this you need to become Captain N, a hero who surrounded himself with everything Nintendo and who is the ultimate master when it comes to games. By becoming Captain N you would have the knowledge that only a true Nintendo expert has, allowing you to impress all the gaming girls keen to chat to a guy who knows the difference between Pokemon and poke-ya-mom! Disclaimer: The Comics Code does not recommend any poke-ya-mom action (or poke-ya-dad action either for that matter) as it's clearly not healthy.
OK, SO GO ON THEN AND TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO KNOW.
Right then, in order to prove you're the ultimate Nintendo games master you need to learn about Nintendo's history, so pay attention!
First founded in 1889 (1889! Crazy, I know!), Nintendo made playing cards before switching to produce light guns (amongst other things) from the mid-1960s through into the '70s. In 1975 the company moved into the arcade game market, but it was the combination of Donkey Kong (1981), the Famicom (1983) and the NES (1985) that really made Nintendo's name in the gaming industry. Oh and of course a little tubby fellow and his brother who took the world by storm in the iconic Super Mario Bros (1985) game, which became Nintendo's all-time best seller on the NES (Nintendo Entertainment System), selling over 40 million copies! You'll remember the brothers Mario from when we looked at 'power-ups' in the original Science Of Superheroes and they've been at the forefront of many a console released by Nintendo ever since. Although Super Mario Bros is arguably the most famous Mario game in existence, it wasn't the first Mario Bros game, as the arcade game Mario Bros came out in 1983! You see, these are the sorts of facts you need to know to become a games master!
WHAT ELSE SHOULD I KNOW?
Well, sticking with NES-related facts, it might be worth noting that the Mario Bros' games crop up not just at the top spot of the all-time best-selling NES releases, but also in 2nd and 3rd place too (2nd best-selling is Super Mario Bros 3 and 3rd best-selling is Super Mario 2). However that said Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ranked as the 6th all-time best selling NES game and that was shit; so maybe it's best we don't get too bogged down with information like this. Anyway, other Nintendo related facts include the release of such console greats as the Gameboy (1989), the SNES (1990), the N64 (1996), the Gamecube (2001) and the Wii (2006), amongst others, that have all helped make Nintendo the success that it remains today!
SO DOES KNOWING ALL THIS MAKE ME A SUPERHERO JUST LIKE CAPTAIN N?
Well it's a start!
Knowing all about the history of Nintendo is the best way to become a master of the games published for Nintendo's consoles (in particular the NES) and that's what you'll need in order to become like Captain N! You'll also need to be familiar with Nintendo's light gun, aka the NES Zapper, which was a gaming gun accessory used alongside the NES for such classic games as Operation Wolf, Laser Invasion and Duck Hunt! This wasn't too tricky to use and with a bit of practise you could easily be a sharp-shooting son of a gun! So learn all about Nintendo, familiarise yourself with the NES and the Zapper and then you too can become Captain N! The only down side is that by doing all this you will become a computer nerd and all that sitting around will probably result in you becoming overweight! Now there have been advancements in Nintendo's portfolio to make games more physical, but if you're playing the NES you'd best get familiar with sitting on your butt for hours at a time.
Now get out there and start talking to girl gamers!
DATING PLAN OF ACTION: Knowledge of Nintendo (specifially the NES) + use of the NES Zapper + Ryan = Captain N
Right, presuming that this doesn't do the trick, we'll see you back here for one final chapter of How To Become A Superhero!