By Alex Wiggan (and Ryan the work experience lad) Welcome to the 13th chapter of How To Become A Superhero; this week you join us as we wander through Salford's 'Scally Alley' on a routine trip back to Comics Code Manor. As always Ryan is on the hunt for a girlfriend and as always he's getting nowhere despite my best efforts. This week I'm keeping things very simple for him, by explaining how he can become a superhero with only a little bit of effort, so hopefully this should give him the winning edge he needs to get the girl.
Now just as a little insight into this week's chapter, we're looking at how to become a polo playing Flash Gordon (as he originally appeared in the comics and not the football jock from the '80s movie).
Anyway, we can't hang around here all day, so let's get to work on... How To Become Flash Gordon!
THE FLASH GORDON PITCH:
How to become Flash Gordon
Do you want to become a macho stud with all the skills of a leading sportsman? Do you want to go at it hard and fast and prove that you're a man of action? What I'm talking about is becoming a man who can take control of his ride and knock balls with the best of them. If this sounds exactly what you're after then you need to become Flash Gordon! I'm not talking about no football playing jock, I'm talking about a full on polo playing professional! Flash might just be a man, but he's a man with skills and courage and if you want to be just like him then you need to learn how to control both the field and the game you're playing!
By becoming Flash Gordon you would have polo-loving girls dripping off you. Dripping I tells ya!
I WANT GIRLS DRIPPING OFF ME. PLEASE TELL ME MORE!
OK, as I said this time around I'm keeping things very simple; so in order to become Flash Gordon you just need to learn how to become an expert polo player. Technically Flash also had some adventures in space, but let's not sweat the details this time around as he's basically a normal guy who got mixed up in some crazy capers. As mentioned before, Flash was originally a polo player prior to blasting off into space and so you too need to learn the basics of polo in order to become him! The game is played in teams of four, and consists of a rider atop a polo pony (which is technically a horse, but is reffered to as a pony) galloping across a pitch 300 yards long. The rider (aka the polo player) has to move a small ball through an opposing team's goal using a mallet. All players must play right handed and throughout the game teams switch the direction that they play in, in order to make the game fair. The team that scores the most amount of goals wins.
IS THAT ALL I NEED TO KNOW? Yeah pretty much. There are a few other things, like the fact that each player has certain responsibilities such as defence and offence, but you now know the basics, so getting playing!
SO IF I LEARNT HOW TO PLAY POLO WOULD I BECOME FLASH GORDON?
Yes. If you want to adapt this to become 'movie' Flash Gordon, then you need to learn how to play American football (or just football to all our American readers), but basically learn polo and you can become Flash Gordon! By becoming Flash Gordon you will be able to show off your outdoor skills, which should impress any girl looking for a guy who plays the field!
DATING PLAN OF ACTION: Polo + Ryan = Flash Gordon
That's all from us for this week. Next time around (if Ryan still doesn't have a date) we'll be trying to help him use his mind to woo the perfect woman!