Robert Hays, Ed Gilbert, Dorian Harewood, Casey Defranco, Jim Cummings, A volcano, A big dragon, A lot of babes
Written by: Ron Friedman
Iron Man – “If you can take, I guess I can.”
WHAT IS IT? It’s a two-part story taken from the first season of the 90s Iron Man animated series, that was really crappy.
GOOD IDEA/BAD IDEA: Iron Man has always been a pretty cool superhero and when approached the right way, as proved recently with his success on the big-screen, the character can be a big hit!This 90s cartoon however proved that if he isn’t approached in the right way, then he just seems like a jerk. And a badly animated jerk at that.
WHAT’S THE STORY?
It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon and Iron man (Hays) is kicking back and indulging in his secret hobby of volcanology.At the same time, fellow secret volcanologist and big scary green dragon, Fin Fang Foom, is also indulging in his passion when he sees Iron Man.Although Fin obviously respects Iron Man’s choice of hobby, he himself has yet to come out of the volcanologist closet and fearing ridicule from all his scaly friends, he quickly makes the decision to bump Iron Man off, instead of letting his secret be exposed.So Fin pushes Iron Man into a volcano and leaves him for dead, then heads off into town to pick up his mother’s skirt from the dry cleaners.
Due to Iron Man’s vast knowledge of which parts of a volcano can get really hot, he manoeuvres himself to land on a cool bit, but his armour is damaged in the process.Realising it will take a while for his suit to recharge and repair itself, he activates his computer memory banks to remind him of how he became Iron Man, because for some reason he has forgotten. He also realises it was either that or remember the time he tried on his aunt’s bra.
The suit plays a variety of images from his past including all the times he spent womanising, partying, hanging around swimming pools with women in bikinis... and that drunken night he had with his best friend that he promised never to speak about.The computer also brings up details of how he was kidnapped by evil nut-job The Mandarin and forced to make a suit of Iron, but as that was not half as exciting as he remembered, he switches back to the clips of women.This manages to entertain him for a while longer and gives the suit enough time to recharge, so he leaves the volcano and heads off to Dragon Island.Once there Iron Man outs Fin Fang Foom for the volcano lover that he is and then heads back home, to spend some more time looking at images of the bikini-clad babes of his past whilst getting wasted.
IRONING OUT THE TRUTH: *The original idea for Iron Man’s origin was that his father, Iron Dad, had sex with his mother, Iron Mum, and the condom broke. This was changed at the eleventh hour through a fear of increasing Iron pregnancies amongst Iron teenagers.
*Fin Fang Foom used to be best friends with Elliott the dragon from the Disney film, Pete’s Dragon, until Elliott ignored him when they saw each other at an awards ceremony.Ever since this Fin claims Elliott is now dead to him and doesn’t like to talk about it.
*In an ironic twist, Iron Man villain The Mandarin hates the taste of mandarins.In fact he can’t stand oranges at all, but has let it slip, that on occasion he is partial to a banana.