Ape citizen – “Flingin’ feces!I’ll... I’ll contact the authorities...”
WHAT IS IT? It’s a comic set on an alternate Marvel universe where everyone’s a damn dirty ape!
GOOD IDEA/BAD IDEA: In 2005 Marvel found it had a surprise hit on its hands with the black comedy/horror comic, Marvel Zombies; which saw an alternate universe inhabited by zombie versions of Marvel’s most iconic characters.The comic managed to combine the right amount of fun and brain eating hilarity to turn it into an instant winner and as it proved so successful it seemed like a good idea to publish another alternate universe tale.In 2008 Marvel Apes stepped forward, which saw an alternate universe inhabited by ape versions of Marvel’s most iconic characters.Unfortunately the book failed to capture the spirit of Marvel Zombies and instead relied on ape-related puns for cheap laughs (something you’d never see happen on The Comics Code).The end result was a crappy story that failed to ‘ape’ the success of Marvel Zombies and just made a ‘monkey’ out of the whole alternate universe idea.
WHAT’S THE STORY? Marty Blank aka the Gibbon hates his life.He hate’s his life because as a mutant/gibbon he feels a bit of an outcast in a world dominated by humans.Really as someone different he should be happy he’s not just the same as everybody else and he should embrace the fact that he’s practically the king of the swingers; a sort of jungle VIP.Sadly for Marty that’s just not the way he sees it and he feels as far as his life has gone he’s reached the top and had to stop and that’s what’s been bothering...erm, him.So he goes off to have a bit of a moan to his friend Dr Fiona Fitzhugh, who is busy working on some techno-science-inter-dimensional machinethingy, but always has time to listen to Marty’s constant problems.He tells her that he wants to be a man, man-cub.He wants to stroll right into town.He wants to be just like the other men, as he’s pretty much tired of monkeyin’ around.She hears his dilemma but before she can offer any advice she accidentally whisks them off to an alternate universe whilst tinkering with her machine.
The pair instantly arrive in a world not too dissimilar to their own, but the big difference is this new world is ruled by apes!This means that all the super heroes are apes, all the super villains are apes and chances are Charlton Heston would probably hate vacationing here.It also means that Fiona sticks out like a sore thumb as she’s human and not an ape and so realising that all the apes are starting to stare, the pair decide to make like a banana and split.
They realise they need to find a way home quickly, but before they do they cross paths with the Ape-vengers who are led by ape Captain America...who is a bit evil.The reason he’s evil is because he’s not the real ape Captain America; instead he’s an evil vampire called Baron Blood who just looks like the real ape Captain America, because that’s what happens when you’re an evil vampire with bugger all to do.Either way before Marty and Fiona can go home they realise they have to help defeat evil ape Captain America and stop him making a monkey out of everyone.So Marty and Fiona team up with a bunch of ape heroes and together they put things right...well right for a universe ruled by apes anyway.After all that hassle Marty realises that maybe being the only mutant primate-thingy in his own world isn’t such a bad thing and so he, Fiona and an ape version of Speedball (don’t ask) leave the ape universe, vow never to speak of it again and secretly hope that next time they get zapped to a universe ruled by sex maniacs.
GOING APE SHIT: *No real-life apes were harmed during the making of Marvel Apes.
*Since returning to the real Marvel Universe, Marty has thrown away his DVD copy of the Planet of the Apes remake starring Mark Wahlberg and said he wants nothing more to do with any of that type of monkey business.He did however tell one friend that he was still keeping his DVD copy of soft porn film Playmate of the Apes, which he said he would never throw away and would have to be ripped out of his cold dead hands.
*The Comics Code does not condone the use of ape-related puns.In fact using an ape-related pun is lazy writing and should be regarded as a cheap way to make a joke at the expense of an original idea.