Matthew Le Nevez, Rachel Taylor, Jack Thompson, William Zappa, A Swamp, A Man, A Thing, The feeling that somebody somewhere is sucking your LIFE AWAY!
Written by: Hans Rodionoff
Directed by: Brett Leonard
Steve – “Why don’t y’all go fuck a tree, you hippy bitch!”
WHAT IS IT? It’s a direct to DVD movie based on the Marvel Comic’s character Man-Thing and stars....well nobody you’ve heard of!
GOOD IDEA/BAD IDEA: Marvel Comic’s characters proved box-office gold at the start of the ‘noughties’, with the likes of X-Men, Spidey and Hulk all raking in the cash, which meant lesser known characters from the Marvel Universe were looked at to capitalise on the success.DC Comic’s character Swamp Thing had managed a couple of (bad) movies and a TV series a while before, so it was deemed a good idea over at Marvel to give Man-Thing (who was a little bit similar..cough cough) a shot at the big time.It wasn’t a good idea though, because the Man-Thing movie was terrible and ended up being the only Marvel movie which sunk without a trace in a succession of hits (yes even Elektra and Punisher made it into cinemas).The movie was supposed to be a horror film; sign posted by a shot of a woman’s tits in the opening scene and featured an unknown cast who ran around swearing and getting killed.As for Man-Thing himself, he hardly appeared (presumably he was too embarrassed) and when he did it was always so dark it was hard to tell if it was actually him or not.At one point one of the characters even shouted “I can’t see anything”, to which anyone watching would have presumably responded with “Me neither love.”If that wasn’t enough (and it wasn’t), the cover on the DVD went to great lengths to mention that Man-Thing was from the producer of X-Men, Blade and Spider-man and even name checked Captain America as well!For shame!!!!
WHAT’S THE STORY?
Sheriff Kyle Williams (Le Nevez) is investigating a murder.He’s investigating a murder in a backwater town populated by locals who are clearly inbred.Not only is there a high number of people who appear to be inbred, but the amount of them suggests they have even have sex with themselves and reproduce without the need for another.Despite all this Kyle knows he has a job to do and it’s going to involve talking to a lot of these ‘locals’ to work out who is killing who...when they’re not all shagging each other.As it happens there is one person in town that hasn’t been doing it with a member of their family and she’s busty blonde Teri (Taylor), who doesn’t seem to be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but the fact she’s not ‘doing’ her brother does at least make her the greatest asset to the town.
Unfortunately for Kyle, there seems to be something sinister lurking in the swamp that is possibly responsible for the murder and a few more murders as well.This monstrous thing is in fact a creature made up of bits of swamp and linked to Native American Indians/some Bayou mojo/a guy named Ted Sallis/a local company polluting the swamp/an original idea at Marvel that is sometimes confused with DC character Swamp Thing (please delete as applicable).Either way this ‘Man-Thing’ comes out once in a while to scare the shit out of bad guys, kill off topless birds and is the creature behind the murder Kyle is investigating.
Meanwhile...... a lot of ‘locals’ stop having intercourse long enough so they can get bumped off by Man-Thing!
After a while Man-Thing starts to get a bit bored with all the killings and longs to do something else with his life.In fact Manny, as he’s known to his pals, really just wants to be as popular as his mate Spider-man or even cop off with the mutant Storm once in a while, instead of being a mass murdering swamp dweller. Sadly this isn’t to be, because Kyle finally works out what’s been going on with all the murdering and heads back to the swamp to face Man-Thing once...and....for....all!!!!Which he does, resulting in Man-Thing getting killed.
The Man-Thing dies alone and unloved and with the case wrapped up, Kyle and Teri find themselves with a lot of free time on their hands and it isn’t long before they discover the wonders of inbreeding.
IT’S A MAN THING: *Before his death Man-Thing set up a dating website called ‘Love Your Man Thing.Com’.After receiving a high number of pictures of users ‘man things’ in the space of just three days, he decided to close down the site.
*DC Comic’s character Swamp Thing once said he thought of Man-Thing as a brother; but for legal reasons he has to pretend he hates him.
*Man-Thing said he was never interested in having sex with another member of his family because he felt he was screwed up enough as it was and didn’t think a bit of bunk up with his sister was going to make it any better.Apparently many locals disagreed with his comment, but were too busy having sex with each other to do anything about it.