Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox, Michael Fassbender, Will Arnett, Wes Bentley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, A prostitute, A dog, Lots of explosions, Some mumbling
Directed by: Jimmy Hayward
Screenplay by: Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor
Story by: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor and William Farmer
Hex – “Don’t do this!”
WHAT IS IT? It's a movie based on battle scarred bounty hunter and DC Comics character Jonah Hex; who lives in the Wild West and likes to blow things up... a lot!
GOOD IDEA/BAD IDEA: With DC's heaviest hitters Batman and Superman always getting movie deals, it was actually a good idea to showcase a lesser known character and Jonah Hex certainly offered something different to the usual antics of cape wearing do-gooders. Unfortunately the film was rubbish and at only eighty minutes long was more a series of action scenes than anything representing a clearly developed narrative. As far as character development went in Jonah Hex, the film didn't have any and although the special effects designed to mirror Hex's scarred face-look from the comics were good, the result of the make-up was that actor Josh Brolin mumbled a lot. Oh and Megan Fox played a glamorous prostitue, yet her scenes were so short her part was practically an extended cameo.
WHAT'S THE STORY?
Jonah Hex (Brolin) likes to mumble. He mumbles because he had a bit of a 'to do' with a thoroughly bad egg called Quentin Turnbull (Malkovich) and it left him with a bloody great big scar over his mouth. He also lost his wife and child in the disagreement, but as no one can really understand half of what he says, it's debatable whether or not anyone actually knows. Thing is Hex's mumbling bothers him, as does the fact his family is dead and this causes him to want to exact revenge upon Turnbull! In fact it's bothering him so much that it's getting in the way of his day job as a bounty hunter and with there not being a lot of work in his local area, distractions like revenge can seriously screw with his shifts. Also being a battle scarred widow is a lonely existence and Hex often finds himself wandering from town to town with nothing much to do except kill a few people for money. Lucky for him he's friends with former Transformers actress Megan Fox, who likes to hang around in skimpy clothing which shows off her tight ass and makes Hex a little happier about his life. This also makes Fox happy because ever since an unfortunate incident involving Optimus Prime (and an exhaust pipe) she's managed to find someone who accepts her for who she is.
Thing is there's trouble brewing on the horizon because Turnbull is up to his old tricks again and he steals a load of weapons of mass destruction so that he can... erm... destroy stuff... on mass! Thankfully the US military get wind of Turnbull's plan and they enlist Hex's help to track him down and stop him from laying waste to the country. Hex is not a huge fan of the US military and if he's being true to himself he believes he's heard this line about weapons of mass destruction before, but as he's not a total dick he agrees and sets to work on finding Turnbull.
As he journeys long and far across sandy wastelands of emptiness (well this is the Wild West) he meets a dog and also mumbles to the dead in the hope that they will know where Turnbull is. Strangely the usually quiet dead speak back to him and tell him where he needs to go, which is rather useful and saves him a heap of time! As for the dog, he can't really say much, mostly because dogs don't speak, but between the dog's lack of speech and Hex's mumbling the pair get on like a house on fire. The problem is Megan Fox is less than happy about this union and she kind of feels like a spare part, a sort of afterthought to Hex, who only hangs around with her because she wears tight clothing. Thing is she's right, that is the only reason Hex keeps her around and she brings no real value to his journey whatsoever. It upsets her but she's aware of the harsh reality of living in the Wild West and she just lets the fuzzy feelings of frustration run off her hot ass and luscious legs, so not to let it become an issue. As it happens Hex is oblivious to the whole situation because he immediately finds Turnbull, beats him up, stops the threat of WMD, saves the US President, the country and of course his dog and then gets offered a job as a sheriff!
Please with himself, Hex starts paying attention to Megan Fox again and tries it on with her, by flashing her his scarred face. She tells him that face flashing just doesn't cut it anymore and it's too late anyway as she's started dating dinosaur Transformer Grimlock and he's a stallion in the sack!
HEXED: *Before becoming a bitter bounty hunter Jonah Hex was once in a band alongside his siblings. Taking their name from him, they were known as The Jonah Brothers and they had a hit TV show on the Disney Channel.
*Megan Fox's dad is Fantastic Mr Fox.
*Transformer Grimlock is not only a stallion in the sack, he's also a culinary whiz in the kitchen!