Matthew Settle, John Kassir, David Ogden Stiers, Miguel Ferrer, Kenny Johnston, Michelle Hurd, Kimberly Oja, Some CGI weather
Wri: Lorne Cameron & David Hosolton Dir: Felix Enriquez Alcala
Tori – “We all need heroes in our lives.Sometimes we find them in the most unlikely places.”
WHAT IS IT? It’s the live-action TV pilot for a proposed Justice League series which never happened.
GOOD IDEA/BAD IDEA: Given the right angle and an injection of money, Justice League of America could have been a great series (see the animated Justice League Unlimited), but sadly the JLA pilot had neither the right angle nor an injection of money....and so was crap.
WHAT’S THE STORY? New Metro City is being targeted by a weather terrorist and this would usually be a problem, but luckily the Justice League happen to live in the city and so the likelihood is that they will have the situation sorted out without too many problems.This is probably a good thing as the League themselves aren’t the greatest selection of heroes and with this being the late 90’s the idea that superheroes could be taken seriously has gone out of the window.
But side stepping the fact Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman haven’t bothered to show up, the Justice League head off to protect the citizens of New Metro City who are in the midst of a cheap CGI storm.Some people have their hats blown off, a cat is trapped under a porch and a boy is about to be whisked off to Oz, but these problems are quickly sorted by the League who look like they are dressed up for a stag night.
After saving the day they head off to a nearby alleyway to put their costumes into their backpacks, which can only be a blessing for fat-Flash (Johnston), who doesn’t seem to have lost any weight despite running very fast in lycra.The Atom (Kassir) who looks like the world’s biggest geek can’t quite fathom why they all get changed together in an alleyway anyway, as he’s seen the Batman movies and the Caped Crusader seems to get his own cave complete with close-ups of his ass.Fat-Flash tells him that he would rather not see any shots of his own ass in such a tight costume, and also reminds him that it’s 1997 and due to recent developments in the Bat-franchise they are forbidden from speaking about Batman or Joel Schumacher.Green Lantern (Settle) agrees and tells Geek-Atom not to worry about it anyway as there are bigger issues going on including why he looks like the 90s Green Lantern Kyle Rayner, but his secret identity is that of Guy Gardner who he looks nothing like.
They all seem perplexed by this one and so return to their home where they live together like 90s men, meaning they can cook, are in touch with their emotions and wish they lived in a more exciting decade!They have also found they are so in-touch with each other that they're almost living in a sit-com, kind of like Friends, but without any jokes and even invite token female member Fire (Hurd) over to flirt with.
Meanwhile over at the cities meteorological institute, career driven 90s gal Tori (Oja) is doing some late night overtime when she stumbles across a strange secret briefcase.Although she is a clever and capable woman of the 90s, she doesn’t sense the possible danger implied by the creepy background music, and instead knocks her drink into the brief case and somehow gets the ability to freeze water.
With her new found powers she saves a skateboarder from drowning which alerts the League to her presence and they kidnap her, interrogate her and then send her home because they have a weather themed party to attend.
The party is being held by Dr Eno (Ferrer), Tori’s METEOROLOGICAL EXPERT boss, who no one seems to suspect of being the terrorist despite the fact it would only be more obvious if Columbo was following him.The League crash the party in the hope that they might find a clue to the identity of the weather terrorist, but when they come up with nothing, Geek-Atom tries it on with Tori and then they go home.
Thankfully to hurry the story along, Tori walks in on Dr Eno filming his latest home video... a terrorist home video!He quickly tells her it isn’t what she thinks, but he doesn’t realise how right he is because Tori thought it was a porno, and only when he started making his demands did she start to think otherwise.She heads off to find Geek-Atom, instead of calling the FBI/Police, who is pleased to see her, because the League were about to start knocking on doors for clues.
With this new information the League shoot off to their headquarters, which is under water, where they tell their leader J’onn J’onzz they wish he would move to a classier place, because this current one reeks of SeaQuest DSV.He tells them they have no time to waste with such nonsense and instead they track down the villainous Dr Eno and with Tori’s ice powers they save the city.With New Metro City saved Geek-Atom tries to hit on Tori, but she tells him that although it’s the 90s and size doesn’t matter, she can’t face living with a geek.
LEAGUES AWAY: *David Ogden Stiers voiced Penguin in the animated movie Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman (2003).That was not a good movie.
*Miguel Ferrer voiced J’onn J’onzz in DC’s animated film, Justice League: New Frontier (2008) which was a good movie.
*John Kassir was most famous for providing the voice of the Crypt Keeper in the HBO series Tales from the crypt (1989).But he has also appeared in an episode of Hangin’ with Mr Cooper, so it’s debatable where his fan base really lay.