Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaard, Mark Strong, Temuera Morrison, Geoffrey Rush, Tim Robbins, Michael Clarke Duncan, Some crap special effects, A lot of wasted opportunities, A really really duff script that should have been binned and ignored completely
Directed by: Martin Campell (you bad, bad man Martin)
Screenplay by: Greg Berlanti & Michael Green and Marc Guggenheim & Michael Goldenberg
Screen story by: Greg Berlanti & Michael Green and Marc Guggenheim
Hal Jordan – “I go looking for trouble.”
WHAT IS IT? It’s the live-action Green Lantern film starring Ryan Reynolds as the emerald superhero Hal Jordan... ...oh and it’s positively awful. It’s so bad in fact that it’s arguably worse than Catwoman (2004) and that was a proper bag of shite. Yep it’s seriously that bad.
GOOD IDEA/BAD IDEA: Green Lantern was a DC comic-book character that had been the backbone of the DC Universe for years. He may have been a B-list character, but he was a damn good one and with his magic ring (oo..er) that allowed him to create anything imaginable he was a hero of limitless power that easily outshined many of the more famous superheroes. So after years of playing second fiddle to the likes of Batman and Superman, when it was announced that GL would be getting his own live-action movie fans jumped for joy at the thought of finally seeing their hero on the big screen! Sadly however those fans were in for a shock of epic proportions when the movie finally made it to cinema screens as it was a big steaming pile of crappola. The direction was terrible, the script was dire and the film was dreadfully miscast to the point where audiences couldn’t care less about what was happening on screen. In fact everything about the film was so bad that the end result was a tedious snooze-fest of a movie that did nothing to endear Green Lantern to anyone’s heart and just made the title character look like a dick.
WHAT’S THE STORY?
Ace pilot Hal Jordan (Reynolds) is a bit of a dick. He’s the sort of cocky son of a bitch that nobody likes and nobody gives a damn about... ...only despite all this for some reason some people do give a doubt about him(?!). So as a result of this Hal has lived a pretty charmed life and doesn’t really have a care in the world. OK, Hal’s dad did die in jet accident when he was a child, but jeez he’s like 30 years old now, so he should have gotten over it!
One day whilst out and about minding his own business Hal meets a dying alien who has crash landed his space ship on Earth. As he stands amongst the wreckage Hal contemplates giving the alien some advice on how to fly his ship (because that’s the kind of douche that he is) but then thinks better of it as the alien looks like he’s about to die anyway and he hates wasting his breath. As the alien has never met Hal before he mistakenly thinks he’s a nice guy and so he decides to give Hal a green ring and tells him it’s very important. This whole situation seems odd to Hal, but not because he’s met a dying alien and has been offered a ring that holds limitless power, but because Hal knows he’s a bit of a dick and he doesn’t deserve to have any of these things happen to him! Anyway whether he deserves the ring or not Hal is soon sent off into space, told that he’s a member of a special space police force called the Green Lantern Corps and is trained on how to wield the power of the ring; allowing him to be Earth’s greatest protector! However as mentioned earlier Hal is a dick and so he pretty much tells everyone to shove it, returns to Earth and spends a hell of a lot of time doing jack shit.
A long period of time passes by... ...and nothing much happens.
Some more time passes by... ...and all of a sudden the world is about to end.
Realising that he’s being a bit of a dick Hal decides it’s up to him to use his ring to save the Earth... from an invading evil-something-or-other... so that people will realise that deep down he is actually a good guy. So Hal quickly turns into Green Lantern, has a fight with a CGI cloud, somehow saves the planet, vows to be a better person and waits for the world to recognise that he is its champion!
10 minutes later... Vanity Fair announces Superman as the winner of a poll to find the world’s greatest champion. Hal doesn’t even make it into the top 100.
GREEN AND MEAN: *Hal Jordan currently has his ring up for sale on eBay. The highest bid is $2.68.
*According to Batman, Hal once felt up Wonder Woman during the Justice League’s Christmas party. Hal denied it, but a source close to the emerald superhero said that Hal did make a number of inappropriate gestures in the direction of Wonder Woman and on more than one occasion he did say he’d ‘tap that’.
*Despite saving the world Hal Jordan is still a dick.