Eric Johnson, Gina Holden, Giles Panton, Karen Cliche, Jody Racicot, John Ralston, Kathryn Kirk Patrick
Wri: David Tynan
Dir: Patrick Williams
Joe – “This...is...insane.”
Flash – “It’s a little crazy but you’ll get used to it.”
WHAT IS IT? It’s the 12th episode from the one and only season of the crap-tastic Flash Gordon series, and it’s a clip show episode!
GOOD IDEA/BAD IDEA: Trying to remind the audience of what they might have missed earlier in the season helped help fill in some gaps, but making a clip show episode after only 11 previous episodes just reminded the audience how crap it had already been.
WHAT’S THE STORY?
After being sucked through a dimensional portal from the planet Mongo, a strange squid creature arrives on Earth.Dr Zarkov (Racicot) attempts to explain why it’s there but as he looks like too much of a nerd to be cool, Flash (Johnson), Dale (Holden) and Baylin (Cliche)desperately try to ignore him.Some of what he says does permeate their brains, and they realise that the fabric of time/space/plausibility has become unstable and they need to keep track of the portals.One of these dimensional rips has opened in a hotel, so Flash and Dale rush over to investigate, unaware that a creature looking like Susan Boyle has arrived.
When they reach the hotel, they find one of the rooms has been disturbed and as they rummage through someone’s belongings, Dale’s detective boyfriend Joe (Panton) arrives to do police based detective stuff.He walks in on Dale and Flash and jumps to the conclusion any suspicious person would, that the pair are about to do a little bump n’ grind.Suddenly before anyone can say ‘love triangle’, Flash and Joe are sucked through another portal and are deposited on the Planet Mongo, or for budgetary reasons, a quarry and a red filter put over the lens of the camera.
Joe is a little perplexed by what has just happened, but Flash explains that if he had ever bothered to watch the show before, they do this practically every week.Joe asks for further explanation, so through a FLASHBACK to an earlier episode Flash explains he has previously been to Mongo and not to worry about it, which is clearly the worst thing to say as they both get captured and taken to work in some tunnels as slaves.
Back on Earth Zarkov checks to see if anything has arrived from Mongo and comes across a severely angry SuBo, who can’t quite get to grips with the concept of a reality show.This all proves far too much for him to handle and it’s costing the production team far too much money, so the action shifts back to Flash and Joe on Mongo and yet another FLASHBACK....followed by a FLASHBACK MONTAGE...and another couple of FLASHBACKS!
Despite everything that Joe hears he can’t quite believe it.It’s not so much that he has been transported to another planet, or that FLASHBACKS have revealed he has been involved in far too much of this crap series, but that the show is only 12 episodes into its run and they are in a clip show situation.Via the use of another FLASHBACK, Flash points out this is the reality of existing in a low budget series and then they meet a hawkman who name drops Voltan, the hawkman leader, into conversation.Joe gets very excited by this, until Flash informs him that in this series Brian Blessed doesn’t play Voltan, as that would cost more money than they have.
Meanwhile back on Earth Zarkov continues to witter on about portals, Mongo and the fate of the universe, whilst Baylin and Dale tempt SuBo back into the hotel room with the promise of a recording contract.The shock of this causes SuBo to give birth to mini-SuBo and then a portal opens and she goes back to obscurity with Rick Waller, Maureen from Driving School and Steve Brookstein.
Realising they have exhausted all the FLASHBACKS they can from only 11 episodes, Flash and Joe return to Earth, where Flash calls the producers of Smallville to see if he can get his old job back.
GONE IN A FLASH: *Flash Gordon lasted just one season, making a total of 21 episodes.This was exactly 21 episodes longer than it should have lasted.
*Despite the use of FLASHBACKS in the episode to highlight what had happened so far, it was very clear that nothing worthwhile had really happened.
*Eric Johnson appeared as a regular cast member for season one of Smallville, but his character Whitney Fordman was killed off during season two.He probably kicks himself every day that he didn’t play Lois Lane.