Kirk ‘Sticky’ Jones, Jill Wagner, Nelson Lee, Neil Jackson, Jessica Gower, Some vampire teeth, Some blood, A lot of ‘serious’ shit going down, A lot of dull things
Written by: David Simkins
Directed by: Michael Robison
Blade – “Like I got time for this."
WHAT IS IT? It’s the final nail in Blade’s coffin?Ok, it’s actually an episode from the short lived Blade TV series, based on the Marvel Comics character of the same name.
GOOD IDEA/BAD IDEA: Blade had been a smash-hit film franchise with Wesley Snipes playing the role of the half-human half-vampire hero and had turned a relatively unknown Marvel Comics character into a star.The third (and shite) film in the trilogy had brought his particular story to an end on cinema screens, but keen not to let a good vamp die, New Line gave the character a second life on TV.Snipes didn’t return to the role but in an attempt to jumpstart Blade’s popularity comics writer Geoff Johns was on hand as a consulting producer to keep the show popular with fans.In fairness the series wasn’t awful and it tried its hardest to be taken seriously as a ‘vamp drama’, even going so far as pushing the violence angle; but sadly that was the problem.It was so serious that it quickly became dull and no amount of bad ass...erm bad assery was able to save it from the axe.This episode was a perfect example of what little happened over the space of 40 minutes and was pretty much the standard for the series.
WHAT’S THE STORY?
Newly ‘turned’ vampire Krista (Wagner) is adjusting to life as one of the nightwalkers and living in the vampire House of Chthon, which is pretty much like being a student, as she sleeps during the day and looks pale most of the time.This also means at times she is sucking the life out of ordinary folk who try as they might just can’t get on board with her lifestyle.Generally speaking this doesn’t bother Krista as she’s mates with half-human half-vampire Blade and as she’s seen his film Blade: Trinity (2004) she knows all about sucking.
However the difference between sucking and being a resident in the House of Chthon seems to be that her life now revolves around living in a place filled with a series of random torture scenes, the likes of which make the Saw movies seem like an episode of Barney.For Krista this is all a bit too much as she presumed that being a vampire would make her all sexy like the vamps in hit TV show Angel.Unfortunately it hasn’t and instead it’s made her really dull.
Meanwhile super cool badass Blade (Jones) is walking the streets at night killing vampires and laying the smack down on anyone who gets in his way.Although he’s happy in his line of work, Blade can’t escape the feeling that this is not how he pictured his nights staking vamps.He always imagined he’d spend his life jumping off roof tops, going to high school proms and generally kicking ass like Buffy the vampire slayer.Unfortunately he doesn’t and he’s also really dull.
With neither Krista nor Blade particularly happy about the cards that life has dealt them, they pretty much spend all their time pretending that they’re far more interesting than they really are.Unfortunately the truth is they’re not...and they’re both really dull!In fact they’re so dull that at times it’s almost as if the world they inhabit is just a dull land of emptiness, created by people who really want everything taken so seriously that nothing fun is allowed to happen...ever!It’s also as if there is no real point to anything that Blade and Krista are up to today....
*After Blade the TV series was axed Blade became unemployed for a while and had to resort to taking whatever job he could find.For a while he was a children’s entertainer, a zoo keeper and a waiter, but the stress of everyday life got to him and he quit.He’s now currently back to being unemployed, but he remains a mother fudgin’ badass.